Can't you see that I am just shy? Can't you see that more than anything I want to raise the courage to just say hello to you, to just smile at you. But I am fighting a loosing battle with terror, a terror of speaking, a fear of rejection and mocking. Each time you notice me and smile my confidence is raised, and I feel happier than you could ever imagine a smile could make someone feel. But each time you ridicule and mock me, each time I see you laugh and stare at me, my esteem drops, and tears well up behind my eyes. You don't realise how much you control my emotions, how I feel, you don't realise that everybody does.

In class I am quiet, nobody notices me. You think that I am clever, but why can't I just put my hand up and answer when I know the answer? Why do I blush and look at the floor when I am confronted by a teacher? And why, why does my mind spin and my face feel red whilst I can feel the tears building up, as if they are about to tumble down myself and reveal to all my weakness. You tell me that I am pretencious, that I think that I am so much better than everyone else, but with each jeer my smile falls further and further into oblivion, I cant stand this silence.

I wish that I could stand up for what I believe in. So often I want to shout, to tell people what I think, to tell people when I don't agree with what I say. But instead I sit back and watch in silence. You think that I dont have any opinions, maybe you are right, it doesn't matter if I do have opinions anyway, I never speak my mind.

 

Every morning, I wrestle with my image in the mirror, I can't stand myself, I am so ugly. The person I see is not me. I wish I could be who I wanted to be, but I know that that will never happen, I will never have the guts. I am ugly both inside and outside. You watch me blush when you talk to me on my own, you watch me struggle to find the words, but then you watch me laugh and talk with my friends. You cant understand me, you think that I hate you, I just dont know what to say.

My loud remarks cover up my shyness, inside I know that I am boring. I watch everyone around me laughing and joking, easily getting along, and I feel more and more alone. Why can't I be like everyone else? Walking around, I believe more than ever in my smallness and insignificence, yet still I am so consious of myself, of how much I stand out.

 

You think that you don't want to know me, that I don't want to know you, but that's wrong. I want to know you, to have lots of friends like everyone else, but nobody can struggle past the thick barrier that I keep around me, guarding me. Maybe I am just like you? Why can't you talk to me?

I cant take the things I say, i hate myself so much. Can't you help me? Can't you guide me and encourage me? Help me to be who I want to be. Please look at me, see who I am inside. I know that I appear to be high and mighty, but inside I am just shy and introverted, wishing for you to notice me.